“Our sex life was non-existent until we tried mutual masturbation.”
After a sexual slump, Anna*, 35, tells us about the “magic ingredient” that gave new life to her relationship, in bed and in life.
“I have been in a relationship with the same person for over 8 years now. Our meeting is quite classic: at my neighborhood bar one evening of too much tequila. Our eyes met (a little troubled at first I must say) and we liked each other. We immediately connected from an intellectual and emotional point of view. In bed, however, it wasn't immediately ecstasy.
We might as well be honest: it took us a little time to find what felt good to both of us. We were young and not really experienced, so we took it as an apprenticeship. And it worked.
After a few months of testing, new techniques, guidance to help him better find my clitoris (laughs), I came almost every time, we even went beyond ten minutes of lovemaking from time to time! Our relationship has always been tender and complicit. There has always been a lot of love between us. But that doesn’t mean that we haven’t gone through painful phases of questioning.”
“I wanted to want to”
“The last, the biggest, dates from 2019. A year before, we had our little boy, Hugo, born in spring 2018. Already during pregnancy , my libido was not at the best, but I put that down take hormones into account without trying too hard to change anything. Except that it settled. A long time.
So much so that in August 2019, a few days before the holidays, my boyfriend put before my eyes a report that freaked me out: in six months, we had made love 5 times. And I didn't miss it. In the evening, I would without hesitation prefer to watch three episodes of a bad detective series while eating Pépitos, rather than slip under the duvet to try to rekindle the flame.
He couldn't take it anymore. He had associated this absence of desire with an absence of attraction and ultimately, love. I reassured him and above all I realized that I too wanted it to come back. That I wanted to want. To rediscover the feeling in my lower stomach, the shivers when I imagined him picking me up on the work surface unexpectedly when I got home from shopping. Everything that had deserted my mind with the arrival of the child, basically. And maybe a little with the years of stable relationship, too.”
“I started to caress myself in front of him”
“He told me 'we have to find a way, I have the impression that we are moving away, that we are becoming roommates'”. It clicked for me. So we got to work. We tried the positions listed in women's magazines to 'spice up' our sexuality, unusual places, candles, handcuffs... It was fun, we had a laugh, but not really a success. To tell the truth, I saw it more as homework. I never forced myself, but it took me a little time to get in the mood and get excited.
One night we went to bed early to talk, and the conversation turned to the topic of our fantasies. He told me that he would like to watch me masturbate. Just observe, without touching myself. I found it a bit strange. I was almost embarrassed to make myself feel good in front of the man of my life. As if it remained forbidden, or too private to share.
Faced with my hesitation, he suggested I do the same. 'That way you'll be more relaxed, you'll think less about me watching you,' he said. I said to myself that damn it, we could try that. We sat across from each other cross-legged. I started to caress myself, sliding my fingers over my clitoris, gently then more intensely, while he put his fingers around his cock. I avoided his gaze which I felt was on me… until I got caught up in the game.
“A connection that goes beyond sex”
“The more I stared into his eyes, the more I wanted him even though he didn't even touch me. I wouldn't know how to describe this feeling, but it's as if at that moment, there was a void around us. It was more than sexual. The intensity, the intimacy that mutual masturbation brought us recreated a connection that goes beyond the ass I would say. Even if after five minutes we were jumping on each other (laughs).
Or rather it was me who jumped on him. I suddenly really wanted him to be the one to make me come, to enter me, to turn me around. Brief ! A whole bunch of images flashed through my head and I didn't wait another second before taking action.
Looking back today, a little more than two years after that famous night, I would say that this experience helped to revive an alchemy that had almost disappeared. And then desire in me. I think that seeing the way he caresses himself, the way I caress myself, gave an even more special dimension to these moments. It has become our thing, our magic ingredient. We know how to feel good, and having this power over your arousal without even touching it drives me crazy.
I'm not saying that we went from 5 reports in 6 months to 5 per week of course, but our rhythm has gradually returned to a frequency that suits us both. And above all, this ritual, even if we don't use it every time, has had a positive impact on our bond. Probably because we literally laid ourselves bare in front of each other, because we took the time to really see each other.
I have the impression that since our sex life has regained momentum, we are more attentive, more caring. We found a special romantic relationship between us, in addition to our dynamic as parents with Hugo. And after almost 10 years of loving each other, clearly, that changes everything.”
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And here are some video tips from our friends at Kama Lab on mutual masturbation, its advantages and how to do it:
