Vulva, lips, hair, smell: why do some women have complexes?
All vulvas are beautiful. This message is flourishing on social networks and is doing good! But it is clear that if it is a sentence that we need to hear, it is to overcome significant complexes felt by many women regarding their intimacy. Almost 4 out of 10 women feel self-conscious about their private parts*. A source of suffering, these complexes can not only impact their sexuality, but also push some people to surgery for no apparent reason.
Knowing your body is an essential element for enjoying yourself but also for accepting and loving your image. Many women have developed complexes about their vulva, due to a false and standardized image conveyed by society. However, just as we don't all wear size 38 shoes, we don't all have the same vulva, fortunately. It even turns out that like underarms, there is no hierarchy of beauty or standard for this part of our bodies: YES, all vulvas are beautiful.
Anatomy of the vulva
The vulva refers to all of the external genitalia of women. It consists of several parts:
- The pubis (also called Mount of Venus);
- The outer lips (called labia majora);
- The inner lips or nymphs (called labia minora);
- The urethra and urinary meatus (urethral orifice);
- The vaginal opening.
Before, we talked about labia minora and labia majora, which could be the cause of complexes for some women in whom the proportions are reversed. In reality, it's just the term that's a misnomer, not the lips that are abnormal. Size, shape, color, asymmetry, hairiness... The appearance and anatomy of the penis varies from one person to another, from one ethnic origin to another (at the risk of repeating myself, the only standard is your own body, not that of others!).
The book Jouissance Club by author Jüne Pla will be very useful to better understand your anatomy .
Labioplasty: for whom, for what?
Labioplasty, also called nymphoplasty, is a surgical procedure which consists of modifying the size of the external or internal lips, either to increase them or to reduce them. These interventions are carried out under local anesthesia most of the time.
This surgery can be restorative if the size of the labia is a source of daily discomfort, particularly in sports or sexuality. But there is a growing demand for this type of aesthetic intervention. Patients are often young and self-conscious about their vulva which does not correspond to what they think (wrongly, as we have already said) is a norm because it is represented as such in public opinion. In question, porn of course, but not only that, the entire media culture participates in these clichés in an insidious way (hello reality TV).
The average age of women who use it is 32 years old. “ In France, the first figures, which we are revealing, show that 4,600 women, of all ages, had recourse to these operations in 2016 compared to 193,600 worldwide,” we can read in Le Parisien . Be careful, this intervention is not without risks since it may in particular be responsible for a reduction in your pleasure.
No injunction on cosmetic surgery even if it is not motivated by health reasons. It is completely OK not to have the strength to overcome these complexes, and to resort to them. But if the number of operations is increasing for no medical reason, then it is necessary to talk about it to avoid these procedures which are obviously not fun, by propagating "vulvar bodypositivism" (and we do not hesitate to share !)
Vulva and complexes: and oral sex in all this?
If fellatio is perfectly integrated into male sexuality, cunnilingus is sometimes difficult to fully appreciate. Indeed, it's not easy to give in to pleasure when your mind is stuck on a complex. We become aware that the person who gives their best licks has a bird's eye view of our intimacy, and if we are already not very comfortable with this part of ourselves, it can be destabilizing. And what a shame to have to worry about these details in the middle of a moment supposed to be dedicated to letting go and ultimate well-being!
Beyond aesthetics, when we talk about oral sex, the myth of the woman who must constantly smell like flowers is tenacious. No, you're not going to smell like desert donkey if your shower was a few hours ago and no, your penis isn't entirely devoid of odor either, but that's normal: we live, we sweat. You have to accept it and not fall into a spiral of excessive hygiene which could unbalance your vaginal flora more than anything else.
And even if we talk about smell, let's talk hair (we're closer to that). Mainstream porn from the 2000s shows sanitized, standardized and hairless bodies. What sadness and above all what disconnection with reality! Hair, firstly, is natural, and secondly, it's like everything, my body, my choice. You do what you want, and if the other person isn't happy, too bad for them. Of course, you can't force someone to perform a sexual act without consent (enthusiastic!), so discuss it and the solution will emerge. Regardless, there is no need to have any complexes about hair, we all have different hair types. Brown, blond, white hair, fine hair, coarse hair, hair everywhere, or metro ticket, curly or no hair, the choice is life.
Reclaim your vulva
It's not easy to get rid of a complex, and reading these few lines may not solve all your concerns. But fortunately, society is changing. Once again, social networks have their role to play in this ode to the vulva. Accounts on Instagram, like the Vulva Gallery , strive to represent all types of vulvas. Mainstream women's media are also taking up this message as we can see on the account of Fraîches or Au feminine .
A dose of reality feels good!
Now that our point is well argued: OUR VULVA IS BEAUTIFUL AND COMPLETELY NORMAL, let's focus on the logical continuation of this reflection: how to give it love? You can reclaim your body in many ways.
- Observe yourself in a mirror, with a kind look, focusing on positive thoughts.
- Identify each part of your anatomy, the more you know yourself, the more you accept yourself.
- Use your hands, caress yourself, seek pleasure (no need to re-praise the benefits of masturbation ) or simply a moment of gentleness with yourself.
You can also transform your vulva into a work of art thanks to Gazelle Body Art which makes casts of women's private parts. The Instagram account of this brilliant artist is called vulve_décomplexee , here is an example:
You can obviously also use a sex toy, clitoral stimulators are formidable allies in identifying this area as a place of intense pleasure.
Bird, the clitoral stimulator that amazes us.
Finally, it is essential to communicate with your partner. All the reports of complexes about the vulvas have often been attenuated thanks to a caring partner who accepts this heavy secret with tact and returns it as an uncompromising compliment. And we will also quickly realize that the other does not have much to do with these details on our vulvas, that it is indeed our person in its entirety which seduces him or her, excites him or her. But you can also give more importance to compliments and sweet words during your lovemaking, this will help you feel beautiful and confident. Even if the greatest compliment you can pay to a vulva is to find it beautiful yourself!
Nina Ristori
* Sources: Study carried out for Nana – Viva La Vulva Campaign - Essity Intimate Care Survey, in August 2018 in France with 1,033 women
