Postpartum sexuality: how to reconnect with your body?
A lot is said about postpartum sexuality. Lots of theoretical things, sometimes far from your reality. Dr Laure Pochet Neuville, general practitioner and psycho-sexologist, helps us see things more clearly.
You have just welcomed a wonderful baby into your home and it is obvious that with the immense joy also comes an aching body from having made such a miracle and often immense fatigue. Sex is sometimes the last thing on your mind, or on the contrary, you think about it but with apprehension or without really knowing when and how to get back into it.
When to start making love after giving birth?
Here again, there is theory and practice. The medical profession generally agrees on a range between 3 and 6 weeks depending on the type of delivery for penetrative intercourse.
In reality, it will depend on each person. “ The first question: was there an episiotomy or not, tearing or not ? », recalls Dr Laure Pochet Neuville general practitioner and psycho-sexologist. “ It is better to avoid penetrative intercourse as long as there is lochia, the bleeding that occurs after childbirth ,” adds the doctor. Then Laure Pochet Neuville specifies that it will take longer if the delivery was by cesarean section. “ The pain is deep, you have to be more careful, and wait 2 months instead .”
If for you it takes a lot more time, the desire is not there yet, that's absolutely ok. The main thing is to do things at your own pace. Medical estimates do not necessarily correspond to your case and this should not disturb you, everyone is different.
Talking to you about contraception and resuming sexual activity, sometimes in front of your partner, is a bit like looking at the problem in reverse. It is therefore absolutely not up to you to feel guilty for not corresponding to this pattern, it is rather the official discourse which could see areas for improvement.
“ It would be fairer to question the woman in the other direction, to take the time to discuss at length, see how things go, ask her about her fears, her desire. You should ask her how she feels in her body, how her perineum is, question her fatigue, if she wishes to resume sexual activity, if she needs advice, help, contraception, how her relationship is doing. .… ”, lists Dr Laure Pochet Neuville.
Above all, don't force yourself
You will have understood, it is you who decide when you are ready to start again. Not your doctor, not your partner, not society. YOU.
If it takes you time, then take that time. Consent and respect will obviously be the key words in resuming your sexual activity. “ It is important to remember that women are free to control themselves, their bodies, to seek help, that there is no shame in speaking, no obligation to do anything ” , recalls Laure Pochet Neuville.
And if you feel pain during sex, stop everything and talk to your doctor. Suffering during sex is never normal!
There may also be apprehension that takes over. “ For those who have had a traumatic birth, you need to get help, EMDR is a very effective technique for example. Then, it is essential to talk with your partner, to take it slowly. Communication is really the key ,” explains the psycho-sexologist.
What about postpartum depression? “ From the moment there is depression, the libido is at half mast. We put the subject aside and get help from professionals ,” she adds.
Re-taming your body
Sometimes the hindrance comes partly from not feeling good about your body.
First of all, you spent 9 months creating life, it's normal for the body to change, and you look amazing and beautiful!
That being said, let's go further with some tips to reclaim your body. “ You can take care of yourself, look at your body, accept it. Acceptance, recognition, it's a process that can be long, you have to tame your body and yourself " , without taking into account the seductive body image presented as a "norm" by society and which can “ harm the taming of the body ”, recalls Dr Laure Pochet Neuville. “ You must not isolate yourself, do not hide , but on the contrary, talk about it with your partner .”
So ok, we don't necessarily all have the time or the means to treat ourselves to a massage in a crazy spa. But just take 2 minutes to put on moisturizing cream after the shower, massaging yourself to reconnect with your body, thank it for what it has just accomplished, offer it your tenderness and look at it with kindness. rather than always focusing on the details that you don't like, it's already a big step. You can do this while the other parent is caring for the baby or while the baby is napping when possible.
Here you will find an article with some tips for reconnecting with your desires postpartum .
(Re)discover sexuality without penetration
If you feel desire, you can start gently, with caresses, naughty words, play with mouths, tongues, fingers, hands... The possibilities are endless and will help you send a message of pleasure to your body and your brain. Just the fact of being together, in this intimate cocoon, of feeling this little thrill, it feels good.
For penetration , wait until you are really ready, it will take as long as it takes. Perineal rehabilitation is an important step in regaining sensations and pleasure in bed, do not neglect it.
The selection of the Blush team
To support you, the Blush team has put together a box for you to gently recover and reconnect with yourself.
- Yuki - Iroha by Tenga: a perfect toy thanks to its intense vibrations, its semi-insertable tip and its ultra soft touch;
- Kit Kewos, Liebe: Kegel balls will allow you to strengthen your perineum. Use after speaking to your doctor or midwife;
- Lubricant, my lubie: this natural lubricant will become your ally to avoid the inconvenience of a lack of natural lubrication;
- The little balm, Baûbo: this intimate, natural and organic balm takes care of sensitive and irritated vulvas. 100% natural and organic.
Nina Ristori
Source :
Interview with Dr Laure Pochet Neuville, general practitioner and psycho-sexologist
