Sexual anxiety
Stress and anxiety can prevent us from fully experiencing the small joys of the present and sometimes even the big victories in the long term, but what about the impact on our sex life?
What is sexual anxiety?
We can talk about sexual anxiety when you feel that sexuality is a source of anxiety for you. These are fears related to sex such as, for example, the fear of getting pregnant/getting your partner pregnant, the fear of catching a sexually transmitted disease (STD), or simply because you have complexes that you find difficult to overcome. besides. All these various reasons can make you feel oppressed by the idea of being naked in front of someone.
The pressure to perform, the fear of not knowing how to do it, the fear of not enjoying. All of this creates physical and psychological blockages when it comes to taking action.
The origins and understanding where sexual anxiety comes from
Pressure, complexes , pain can be the origin of sexual anxiety. It can be temporary for some, and for others it can be permanent and affect sexual and daily life in the long term.
A traumatic experience, low self-esteem, the fear that things will not go as planned, lack of experience, a new relationship, are reasons that can cause blockage and apprehension when approaching a sexual intercourse.
Understanding and finding the problem is already a big part of the solution to freeing yourself from this weight.
Sexual anxiety affects all ages
Sex and all the problems that one might encounter around it are never really easy to formulate and therefore remain quite taboo unfortunately. Most don't talk about it and sweep their problems under the rug.
Some people experience the sexual act as an injunction to orgasm, which makes it much less exciting. If, even before performing the act, the only objective is to reach orgasm then it is certain that you will never really enjoy making love.
Making love is not an automatic process that happens every time. It is something both carnal and spiritual.
The pressure we put on ourselves (often due to preconceived ideas from society) negatively influences our antics.
According to the Medical News Today website , sexual anxiety affects: “men and women of all ages regardless of their experience. For some it is short-lived and can appear briefly following a new relationship. While others may experience difficulty with healthy sexuality due to this anxiety on a more regular basis.”
It is important to be able to speak freely on this subject and for this we can thank the people who dare to speak about it and give us testimonies which will do good to a good number of us.
Take for example the testimony of Steph Auteri via Healthline magazine . In her story Steph (37 years old at the time of her interview) recounts how she questioned herself sexually after her very first partner constantly denigrated her during their lovemaking. “I felt embarrassed and nervous about being a disappointment to the other person,” she confides.
“I never felt sexual, I didn't want to be intimate and I never initiated anything,” she confessed.
She continued her testimony by saying that she was broken and even said that she “felt guilty for not being like everyone else”. “I thought I wasn't someone worth getting involved with. And then I ended up blaming myself for feeling guilty, and I didn't want to make love even less. It was a vicious circle,” she eventually confided.
This testimony is the perfect illustration of what sexual anxiety is, how it can be triggered and the psychological blockages that it causes.
Overcoming Performance Anxiety
Keep in mind that you are not a machine. Being tired, being reluctant or being distracted is normal, we all have our little daily worries. But don't panic this doesn't mean sex will never be good or that you have a problem. You can't always be on top of your game! 😉
Next, accept the fact that you can't control what people think of you (this advice also applies to life in general). As the other said: “You can't please everyone”. Yes, it's a ready-made sentence but it's important to remember it and gain some perspective.
Just because it didn't work with a certain person doesn't mean it won't ever work with anyone and it doesn't mean you're the problem, far from it.
Some Tips to Relieve Sexual Anxiety
- We can’t say it enough, but communicate. Communication is the basis of any relationship! So, yes, easier said than done, but don't be afraid to tell your partner how you feel, what your fears and apprehensions are. This will help him understand you better, you will feel more confident and together you will find one or more solution(s) so that you have a good time.
- You can also practice meditation . We don't talk about it enough, but meditation has many benefits for our sex life and our libido. This allows you to reconnect with your body and your senses and to better understand your emotions.
- Before any sexual act, if you already start with a massage. Massage is one of the best ways to create intimacy with your partner. This allows you to relax but also have a sensual moment with your partner other than through sex.
- Don’t overlook the benefits of speaking to a professional. If the sexual anxiety you experience prevents you from living your life to the fullest, call a psychologist or sexologist. These professionals will help you regain control of your sex life by allowing you to reconnect with your body and your sexuality.
- Remember, one bad sexual experience does not define your worth, always respect your dignity and values as a human being.
- Always accept and enjoy the pleasure you had during your lovemaking, even if you have not reached orgasm . Once again, orgasm is not an end in itself during the act. So instead of bullying yourself because you didn't achieve it, be satisfied with the pleasure you had and the pleasure you gave your partner.
- Use a sex toy , introducing a sex toy into your new solo routine can also be a good way to better accept your body. Doing good alone helps you regain confidence and allows you to take a new kind look at yourself.
One last thing, there is no small victory in the face of sexual anxiety!
Lara
Sources :
NEON article : https://www.neonmag.fr/anxiete-sexualle-il-existe-des-moyens-de-la-soulager-558918.html
Medical News Today article :
Healthline Testimonial :
https://www.healthline.com/health-news/performance-anxiety-doesnt-mean-end-of-sex-life
GQ article :
HUFFPOST article https://www.huffingtonpost.fr/life/article/comment-savoir-si-vous-souffrez-d-anxiete-sexualle_170669.html
