Six tips for practicing mindful sex

Is there anything that illustrates the power of the human mind more clearly than how easily we become distracted during sex? There you are, making love to your partner, and you think about your boss's offhand remark at work. Or the weird noise your cat made earlier today. Or your shopping list. Your body is engaged, but your mind is like on another planet.
This mismatch between what's happening in your genitals and what's happening in your brain is called "sexual arousal discrepancy." Although it can occur in people of all genders, it seems to be especially common in people with vulvas.
A 2015 study by researchers at the University of British Columbia attempted to demonstrate whether teaching mindfulness practices to women with self-diagnosed low sexual desire would reduce their sexual arousal discordance . And, spoiler alert: it is! But how ?

1- Focus on the process and not the result

The mindfulness-based sex therapists who guided the group sessions in the University of British Columbia study gave some recommendations to participants. They encouraged participants to stop focusing on the outcome and start focusing on the process of getting there in other words: Pay attention.
This advice also applies when you are having sex with a partner or masturbating. Focusing on the outcome, i.e. the orgasm, can take you out of the present moment and disconnect your brain from your body. Instead, focus on what's happening in your body right now. The sexual process involves much more than orgasm, and being mindful during sex means tuning in to it all.

2- Practice mindfulness in a non-sexual setting

Sex therapists in the study asked the women to practice mindfulness in non-sexual contexts for four weeks. And it had nothing to do with sex! Instead, they wanted women to focus on being present with their bodies and their lives in all aspects of life.
Doing meditation is a very good exercise for practicing mindfulness. In addition, its practice helps to better manage breathing and stress.

3- Masturbate mindfully

Once you understand how to be mindful in your daily life, try doing it when you masturbate! This is the second “homework” that the sexologists in the study gave to the participants. It's about applying practices to masturbation that you've used in other areas of your life. And, yes, that probably means putting porn or erotic literature aside, at least for a while.
This may seem weird at first, but it's a crucial step. Many of us shy away from sex, not only because we are distracted, but also because we have been taught that sex is something "dirty." But incorporating mindfulness practices into masturbation can help you overcome this social conditioning and make it easier to pay attention during sex with a partner.
Using a sex toy can be a good way to help you practice mindfulness while masturbating. Ona, our vibrating clitoral stimulator is the ideal sex toy for beginners or amateurs. It can be used alone or accompanied. It is the ideal ally for (re)discovering new sensations. 🔥

4- Practice mindfulness with a partner

Next, apply your mindfulness practice to sex with a partner. If you've been working on daily mindfulness and pairing it with your masturbation routine, it should be pretty natural to apply it in bed (or on the couch or in the shower) with another person. This is the last “homework” that the therapists asked for.

5- Breathe!

This advice is more general, but focusing on your breathing is standard practice. Not only does it relax your body (including your pelvic floor), but it also brings your mind back into the present moment when it starts to drift.
In the case of mindful sex, paying attention to your breathing can also give you clues about how aroused your body is, even if your brain isn't there yet. When we are excited, we tend to breathe faster and harder. Do you have trouble controlling your breathing? This is a sign that you are even more excited.

6- Listen to your other senses

Finally, listen to your other senses, one after the other. Focus on touch. Then focus on the feeling of the touch on your stomach. Your clitoris. Your penis. Switch to smell, taste or sight. You might be surprised how and when excitement kicks in.

Our mind is our largest sexual organ, but it's not always easy to get it to play nicely. Incorporating mindfulness into your sexual practice will help you stay aroused, engaged, and stop your mind from re-doing the shopping list. Once again. ❤️

Lara