Physical distance, the desire to spice up your Monday meeting a little, to warm up before meeting again in the evening... everyone has their own reasons for trying sexting and/or sending nudes to their partner. If you are still a novice, we will take stock of what you need to know before getting started.

Sexting is the act of sending your partner naughty messages to increase or maintain desire. These messages can be accompanied by photos or videos, often where the person is naked (in underwear or even naked) and/or in a sexy pose: these are the famous nudes. The goal can be to make each other enjoy themselves remotely via masturbation or to increase their desire to the maximum before meeting again. But for this erotic exchange to take place according to the rules of the art, there is still some information to keep in mind.

Sexting, nudes: consent above all

It should be so obvious that we don't even need to say it, but a reminder never hurts on such an important point. A simple “send me a nude”, if you don’t want it, no. Not maybe, not later, just no.

And it's the same in the other direction, we don't send nudes if the person on the other end of the phone doesn't want to receive them, otherwise we fall into "cyber flashing".

Sexting, nudes, it's the same rule as in bed: both must be consenting and this exchange must be done with respect for each other and mutual trust. We never force ourselves to do something that makes us uncomfortable or that we don't really want to do, we are there to make each other happy.

A little legal reminder: revenge porn, an offense punishable by law

The law evolves and adapts to new practices. Sharing a nude publicly without obtaining the consent of the person concerned is punishable by law.

• Capturing, storing and/or distributing personal images without consent is an offense of invasion of privacy according to article 226-1 and 226-2 of the Penal Code, this is punishable by 2 years in prison and 60,000 € fine;

• Threatening to distribute intimate images constitutes a threat to commit an offense, it is regulated by article 222-18-3 of the Penal Code and can be punished by 3 years in prison and a €45,000 fine.

Sexting and nudes, an asset for reinventing your sexuality

Once this foundation is laid, let's get to the heart of the matter. Consensual sexting and nudes that remain private can have a beneficial effect on the couple. Whether to maintain the flame from a distance and fill the gap when the couple is geographically separated or to spice up the reunion by raising the temperature beforehand, these practices can prove to be very effective foreplay. And they experienced particular growth during periods of confinement. According to an Ifop study, carried out in 2020, 22% of French people have already used these intimate exchanges.

If you're a little clumsy and prone to making the wrong recipient, you always check who you're sending your fiery little message to in advance, this avoids awkward moments!

Sexting: how do I go about it?

Good things come to those who wait for. We have more or less all already experienced the heaviness of a person who tries (not so) subtly to lead us into the realm of sexting when we barely know each other or when it is not the time. Instead, start by taking the temperature and seeing if the person is in the same mood as you. If she's in the middle of a family meal with her grandparents, it's not necessarily the time to send her the most heated tirade in your repertoire.

When you feel that the other person is receptive, if you don't really know where to start, you can always start by recalling an intimate moment that you shared and particularly appreciated. If you lack inspiration, a simple 'I want you' can do the trick to start the naughty conversation.

Another possibility is to ask the other person what he or she would like to do if you were nearby, and vice versa, tell them what you would like to do, in a more or less poetic or crude way depending on your preferences. and two-person communication habits.

This is also a perfect time to talk about your fantasies, whether feasible or not. In short, here again, give free rein to your imagination, it's up to you to write the rules of your sexuality together.

What is a good nude?

Above all, a good nude is one that you feel comfortable sending. We already please ourselves before considering pleasing others (but we remain spontaneous, this is not the shoot of the year where everything must be smooth and perfect). If you're looking to gain confidence in these photos, book yourself a "boudoir" photography session, it's a philosophy and an experience that helps women see the beauty of their own bodies!

Then, if you are not used to this practice, you can do it gradually. We start with a photo of a part of her body, for example the beginning of her neckline, or part of her hips. It can even be a little vague, remaining suggestive, to make the other person's imagination work. This allows you to see how you feel after sending this photo.

Generally speaking, it is always safer not to show your face, or an easily recognizable mark (tattoo for example).

We also keep in mind that it is a practice that must be reciprocal, we send and receive nudes. You may prefer ephemeral messaging so that the photo disappears after viewing (this prevents it from landing on the cloud), and the golden rule: you never take a screenshot.

As a precaution, we delete the photos once our little session is over, in case our phone falls into malicious hands.

Once these few precautions have been taken, we take full advantage of the moment and have fun together while waiting to meet again to put it all into practice ;)

Nina Ristori

Sources:

• The French, revenge porn and the Griveaux affair , Ifop for CAM4 and Hot Video, 2020 
• Sexting: between intimacy and legality , Fil Santé Jeunes, 2021