The influence of our personality on our sex life
Before you begin, it's best to get things straight right away; in no case will this article talk about astrological signs. I understand that there is disappointment for some but also relief for others, I prefer to be frank and tell you this in the preamble (what do you want, it's my little Aquarius side 😉).
A study from “Psychology Bulletin” explored the 5 most common personality traits and their impact on our sex lives.
Does this intrigue you? So without further ado here is an extract of what came out of it, maybe you will recognize yourself.
What are the five most common personality traits?
Agreeableness
People considered agreeable are generally considerate and kind people who always make others feel good.
They are not as often interested in sex as other personality types. The people interviewed say they feel less desire and therefore have less sex (and therefore fewer STIs at the same time), but are generally satisfied.
The conscientious
Particularly organized and attentive to small details, one might think that conscientious people have a well-organized schedule and that even their sex life is routine. Well that's not the case, we can't say that they have a less conventional sexual inclination than the others but say they are satisfied in that regard. Truth be told, their attention to small details allows them to improve sex because they know how to set a real mood.
Extroverts
Extroverts are the ones who have the most sex (logical since they are constantly looking to be stimulated and occupied). They are more inclined towards casual sex and have a higher level of satisfaction than average. But it is reported that there is a risk that they will be more unfaithful (but after all it depends on the view of fidelity).
The open-minded
They are the most adventurous and liberal people when it comes to sex. They are more likely to recognize their attraction to someone of the same sex, and tend to have more imaginative sexual fantasies.
Neurotiscisms
Unsurprisingly, they are the most dissatisfied, at the same time they are dissatisfied with life in general. They are always stressed, easily annoyed and emotionally unstable.
The Myer-Briggs test
Have you ever heard of the Myer-Briggs test?
It is a psychological assessment tool determining the psychological type of a subject among 16 different types. This test was created in 1962 by Isabel Briggs Myers and Katherine Cook Briggs.
The Myer-Briggs test assesses eight different factors about your personality: whether you are extroverted or introverted, whether you are more inclined to sense or intuition, think or feel, perceive or judge. Your answers to this test determine which of the 16 personalities matches you best.
- The orientation of energy between extroversion (E) and introversion (I) allows us to know whether the main function is introverted or extroverted.
- The preferred way of gathering information, between sensation (S) and intuition (N), determines which of these aspects is best mastered by the subject.
- Decision making between thinking (T) and feeling (F)
- And the mode of action between judgment (J) and perception (P)
This test allows you to learn a lot about you, but what does it say about your sex life?
Here is a range of possible results that you can obtain:
ISTJ , the inspector: You are a strategist, you know that you only optimize your life. It's not at all out of the question to schedule time for intimacy in your schedule.
ISTP , the artisan: You love that all your senses are satisfied, which is why you make sure to prepare a place made with great care, with the best candles, the best sheets, your best playlist, etc.
ISFJ , the protector: You are a “soft heart” and no one can compete with you on that side. Sometimes you just need to relax in front of a series and this suits you perfectly.
ISFP , the artist: If there is one thing that cannot be taken away from you, it is your spontaneity. You're never afraid to try something new in bed or even you're not afraid to do it anywhere other than in bed.
INFJ , the defender: One thing is certain: you will talk about it, whether through a heart-to-heart conversation or with a good playlist that will get the message across to your partner.
INFP , the mediator: You are an idealist, you like everything to be perfect and you are more inclined towards romance. With you it's for better and for worse.
INTJ , the architect: We cannot say that romanticism is one of your predispositions. You prefer to think about facts rather than feelings. Give yourself time to dream a little.
INTP , the thinker: You analyze too much, you probably need to be the person who sends screenshots of your conversations to your friends so everyone can decode the messages. You always want to know why your partner is doing what they are doing.
ESTP , the Persuader: You know how to talk to people to get what you want. You like to make things happen. Additionally, you have a certain talent for giving compliments.
ESTJ , the Director: You like things to have a purpose and order, but dare to change things from time to time. Maybe putting your dominant side out at night would give you exactly what you need.
ESFP , the performer: Your greatest asset? Your charm, and what's more, you are perfectly aware of it. You can even wink without it looking weird (a pretty unique talent) but don't overdo it either
ESFJ , the caregiver: People will say that you are generous in bed... You do everything to make your partner feel good and we can never blame you for that.
ENFP, the champion: Rather creative and extroverted, you must surely have been congratulated on several occasions for your flirting skills. Your warm side makes you attentive in the bedroom.
ENFJ , the giver: You are a passionate person, especially when you are with someone with whom you envision the future. You can easily imagine five-year plans.
ENTP , The Debater: You are always ready to try something new. On the other hand, if there's one thing you won't change, it's using teasing as a means of flirting.
ENTJ , the Commander: You love and you're not afraid to tell your partner. Simple and efficient
The impact of personal traits and those of partners on sexuality
A study published in 2018 showed that the traits of our partners impact our sex lives.
The most novel results were those regarding conscientious people and agreeable people. It has been shown that conscientious people are more likely to view sex as a responsibility for themselves, their partner and/or their relationship and are therefore more likely to plan the time to devote to sex in advance.
When it comes to agreeable people, they tend to avoid conflict and focus on the needs and feelings of others and less on their own.
A very simple example to explain to you: If a man is said to be “pleasant”, he could “push back” his own sexual needs/desires and therefore be less often at the initiative.
Another study showed that for example in a person suffering from sexual pain having a “pleasant” partner was not really useful because they do not encourage them to do anything to solve this problem because they accept the status- what.
The people interviewed for this study are middle-aged and in a long-term relationship. For these couples interviewed, it may be important to make sex a priority and not something that can happen when both partners are in the mood.
Is there a difference between men and women?
The main thing that came out of this study was that the main difference between men and women was that women's sexual function tends to be affected more by the partner's personality than men's.
This means that for many women the personality of a partner influences their sex life, while men pay less attention to it. This makes sense since women are assumed to be more context dependent when it comes to their sexuality. The external situation or circumstances should be more relevant for women than for men.
There's no real explanation for emotional stability.
How to choose a partner based on their traits? Can we influence others in their sex life?
Studies show that we naturally choose a partner who has personality traits similar to those of each other. I'm far from being an expert on the subject, but however, I think it's a way to stay in your comfort zone if we're moving towards someone with the same personality traits as us. But it is not because we go towards a partner who is like us that our sex life will be more fulfilled.
We will repeat it again and again but one of the most important factors is communication. So let us choose the partner we want, yes, provided that it is in line with what we need.
We must feel comfortable talking with this person about our wants and desires and especially about the problems that may be encountered along the way.
Communicating in an open and healthy way is the key to a fulfilling sex life!
Our sexual behavior depends largely on our position in relation to the five personality traits. However, each trait must be studied in isolation. For example, being an introvert does not mean that your sex life is non-existent or that you are not satisfied with it, especially if you are open to new experiences.
The more research we do that understands how and why each person approaches sexuality differently, the better equipped we will be to develop recommendations to improve sexual health.
Little tip Blush
No matter your personality, a sex toy like Ona will always be welcome to improve your sexual well-being 😉
Lara
Sources:
https://getmaude.com/blogs/themaudern/how-your-personality-impacts-your-sex-life
