Come on, let’s vibrate! Or how to subtly bring a vibrator to bed in 5 steps
In this intimate testimony, Lara, 36, tells us how she managed to convince her partner to include a sex toy in their lovemaking. Humor, lightness and preparation in advance, she tells us everything for better and for worse!
I discovered sex toys at 35. “Better late than never” we are told. It's true. It's a revelation for me, I've learned much more about my body than 30 years of manual exploration. But at the time, I had a boyfriend. And obviously, I wanted to share this Eldorado, so that we could learn more about it together.
I was both convinced of the potential that a vibrator could bring to our sex life but above all aware of the taboo that this object constitutes within a couple.
All the clichés of society outraged by so much libertinism have resurfaced:
- “oh okay, are you one of those who masturbate?”
- “and what’s more, while you’re in a relationship.” Thank you “annoyance”. Me who leaves doubt hovering from the beginning
- "you don't want me anymore? You're not satisfied? I'm not enough for you?" #emotionalchargehello
- or worse, “sex toys are vulgar, they’re for pornos”, etc.
You have to expect everything. Statistically, because of these taboos, around 47% of people with vulvas and 41% of those with penises wait more than a year before presenting their sex toy to their partner*.
While frankly, there is so much to gain! This story is indisputably virtuous, if we overcome the embarrassment and the social taboo around this small object, we obtain:
- crazy laughter,
- simpler or let's say more "certain" orgasms - therefore less anxiety about performance,
- the opportunity for everyone to discover new sensations,
- an open "before-sex" discussion to decide whether to use it or not - what an aphrodisiac to talk about sex before having sex, it contributes so much to excitement and relaxation,
- and more broadly, enhanced intimacy within the couple. “Cultivate your garden”, as our friend Candide told us, I humbly add: your intimate garden.
Based on this observation, why not try a threesome with a vibrator?
With a lump in our stomach, because the stakes are immense at the moment, we take the plunge. Prepared obviously, à la Elle Woods. Here is the action plan in 5 steps:
#1. Choose the right time: when love is at its maximum, so for me just before and/or just after sex, it is often a privileged moment to talk about intimate things and in particular fantasies, positions, new desires. These are also the two moments when we prepare or replay the match. Auspicious.
Result : no disaster, but not the expected reaction. On enthusiasm, we will come back. We had already seen much better: we were on a “yes ok if you want it”. Disappointed, I don't hide it.
#2. Prepare a good repartee for each shot around sex toys and female masturbation. Prepare for all eventualities: There are 2 types of sexuality and 2 types of libido, one in a relationship (or with others) and one with oneself (masturbation), and this is the case for men and women. Female masturbation is a dusty old taboo that deserves to be deconstructed. My 2 libidos are very different and are not necessarily communicating vessels, that is to say that one neither fulfills nor steals the desire from the other, on the contrary, it is a virtuous circle . Furthermore, vibrators run on batteries and there is therefore no reason to compare them to a human being. It's not a match. Speak with conviction and try to convey the idea that it is just a tool to boost pleasure.
#3. Let him take ownership of the idea by choosing the vibrator together. Yes, it's brilliant - worthy of Minus & Cortex. Share your phone screen on online stores, discuss the different functions/powers/colors. Invest together in the purchase. The discovery is made together and the desire to test slowly builds. Start with something simple, gentle and non-penetrative .
#4. The evening when the time comes to try it (consent of both parties obtained), I put the vibrator near the bed, I light a candle for the atmosphere and to see something there. And once the caressing begins, still a little dressed, I slide one arm in, turn it on and start playing very slowly on him. Massage, Relaxation. "It's good?" Then I give it to him so that he can do the same on me by guiding him. Verbal and non-verbal communication at its peak. Take the time, watch others have fun.
#5. Don't give up on the idea, the potential is there, we know it, the learning curve may be long and slow, but don't give up.
When we decide to take the vibrator, we create an event around it, we wait for it, and we appreciate the moment all the more. I wouldn't say that bringing a vibrator into my relationship has drastically increased the frequency, but it has clearly increased the quality of our relationships and the desire to get heated.
To conclude, an American study* reports that compared to those who have never used vibrators/sex toys, those who have already used them declare:
- be more inclined to reach orgasm (alone or as a couple),
- have more sexual desire,
- that their own excitement rises more easily,
- have more natural lubrication (less discomfort during intercourse),
- and equal or better sexual satisfaction.
Ona our vibrating clitoral stimulator can be used both solo and in a duo. It can be held by your partner so that you can fully benefit from its effects without having to do anything (if that's not fun 😌)
Mara Helgaton
Sources
* Prevalence and characteristics of vibrator use by women and men in the US , Journal of Sexual Medicine.
