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Article: Are we the same person in bed and in life?

Est-on la même personne au lit et dans la vie ?
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Are we the same person in bed and in life?

Are we necessarily the same people in bed as we are in life? If we are shy in life, is this the case in our sex life, and vice versa? When you think about it, when you watch saucy comedies like American Pie , the girl who loves sex is always the most extroverted/crazy one of the group. However, in life this is not always the case.

Does our personality match our sexuality?

Admit it, we have all already asked ourselves questions about sexuality regarding those around us.
For example, you see your colleague every day, who is rather friendly but quite introverted, you say to yourself that at first glance, he/she must have a very ordinary sexuality, you would be surprised to learn that in reality he/she is a fan of everything related to BDSM.
And it's also true conversely, one might believe that a very extroverted person, who often talks about sex and who is very liberated on the subject, is a person who has tried the craziest things in bed , when in fact this person just likes vanilla sex.
Vanilla sex is so-called conventional sex, a bit routine.

Why do we tend to put people and their sexual practices into boxes?

It's a fact, we tend to question and judge the sexual practices of people, particularly women, a lot.
We're not going to lie to myself, being a woman, I sometimes felt judged by the number of partners I was able to have and you want the worst? It was another woman who made this kind of judgment: “Ah yeah... It's a lot all the same, but that's okay, since you don't talk about it, you don't come across as an easy girl.” - Thank you, it's nice to reassure me, but you can keep your value judgment to yourself, I won't do anything about it.
Even today, many women restrict themselves in terms of their sexuality for fear of “slut-shaming”.
To put it simply, “slut-shaming” literally translated as “slut shame”, is the act of stigmatizing, making people feel guilty or disqualifying any woman whose attitude or appearance would be considered too provocative or too overtly sexual. .

Where does the idea come from that we would not respect ourselves if we have many sexual partners?

So to return to the genesis of this idea (very rotten, by the way) we have to go back about 60 years. I'll let you do the math but that takes us back to the 1960s, and as a reminder, contraception and abortion (voluntary termination of pregnancy) were not yet legal in those years.
At that time, having sex was something else because any relationship could lead to pregnancy, which would bring dishonor to the family, a risky abortion and a host of other harsh consequences for the woman and her family. family.
Today and since the laws which legalized contraception in 1967 and abortion in 1975 (thank you Simone), there is less weight for women. So why do we always try to judge and control women's sexuality?
Sexologist and psychologist Caroline Delebarre explains that this is because it is only very recently that sex is no longer considered a tool for reproductive purposes but more as something recreational.

Gender stereotypes among men

Unlike women, men are more valued when it comes to having numerous conquests but they can also be victims of gender stereotypes. Everyone has their own pain.
Anal sex among heterosexual men is still something of a taboo today because it is still associated with homosexual pleasure. Prostate orgasm/pleasure can be experienced by all men.
It is difficult to get rid of these preconceived ideas because, despite ourselves, we have all been formatted by kinds of social scripts of what we should be and do as a man or woman.
When it comes to sex, there are no practices specific to heterosexuals or homosexuals.
A heterosexual man (and therefore attracted to women) who wishes to explore his anal pleasure/sexuality and who engages in practices stimulating his anal pleasure remains a heterosexual man. Our sexual orientation is defined by the gender of people we are attracted to, not by our practices.

A sexuality in constant evolution

We build our sexuality throughout our lives, we can each build it on our own by exploring ourselves but also with the partners we meet. It can happen that we love a particular practice with one partner but still don't want to do it with another. You must always allow yourself the freedom to choose.
Sometimes, all it takes is one meeting to introduce us to a new practice. We don't know why but we say to ourselves that with this person we feel comfortable and confident enough to see our sexuality from another angle, which makes us realize that we had perhaps restricted ourselves on our sexual practices and desires and that ultimately everything is possible! ❤️‍🔥
One thing is certain, our sexual practices say nothing about who we are in life.


Lara

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